New & Improved 7 Love Languages: it's not just romantic love!

Let's Talk About the New and Improved 7 Love Styles

Let's talk about the ways partnerships have evolved and the resulting big changes to the original ‘Five Love Languages.’  With our evolving society, what it takes for a relationship to work with your loved ones may look very different than it did decades ago. There has been a bigger focus on other types of love, including self-love and platonic love. Therefore, a new and more comprehensive look at what it takes for people to be happy has changed from five to seven. There are now 7 Love Styles.

The Original ‘Love Languages’

Dr. Gary Chapman, the marriage counselor who developed the 5 love languages, identified that there was often a disconnect between spouses who showed love and how their partners received those actions. Chapman observed that what one person thought was a display of love would fall flat for a partner who “spoke” a different love language. 

Chapman identified five original love languages: Words of affirmation, Physical touch, Receiving gifts, Acts of service, and Quality Time.

 

It is rare that people in relationships or friendships speak the same love language. This does not mean a relationship is going to ‘fail.’ The beauty of it is that we don't have to rely on others to receive the love we crave. The key is to learn how to understand and fulfill those needs in yourself and your loved ones. Studies show that more time and effort put into using their partner's love language had stronger feelings of love and relationship satisfaction than others (Hughes & Camden, 2020). 

As time has passed, our society has evolved. People are more independent and generally not in as much of a hurry to be in a committed relationship. We're also learning more about how other types of love, such as self-love, family love, and love in friendships, are just as valid. This means what it takes for someone to feel happy and secure has evolved as well. In terms of romantic relationships, psychologist Eli Finkle has pointed out that “Marriage has evolved, from a mostly practical partnership based on an efficient division of labor to a spiritual and personal connection that we expect to help us achieve our best selves" (Malone, 2022). 

Without further ado, here are the new and improved love styles!

There has been a shift in the promotion of all genders to express themselves in previously unacceptable ways. As a result, there have been two additions and some revisions. The new love styles are the following:

Activity

People with an activity-based love language often feel most loved and valued when doing activities with others. This love language is similar to Chapman's quality time; however, it highlights one's interest in and appreciation of the other in the relationship. An activity-based love language looks at someone's passions and pastimes, friendships, and life outside as a whole. 

Appreciation

People with a love language that is appreciation-based is similar to Chapman's words of affirmation. With the appreciation love language, someone may feel most loved when their partner(s), family, or friends acknowledge and compliment them. This may look like words of affirmation, praise, and thanks. This love language focuses on a sincere appreciation that makes the receiver feel truly seen and valued. 

Emotional

People with the love language that is emotion-based often desire intimate or deep emotional connections with others. For these people, it's important that a person is there when they experience difficult emotions and are truly present, actively involved, and reciprocating. This may look like talking for hours about deeply personal topics, supporting someone as they navigate difficult and scary emotions, and being present for both the highs and the lows in someone's life.

Financial

People with a financial love style feel loved and appreciated when their loved ones spend money on them in ways that bring them pleasure and joy. This has less to do with the amount of money spent. Instead, it is based on whether the gift, whether bought or hand-made, is thoughtful and expresses an active investment in the relationship. For example, this looks like giving thoughtful gifts or a budget to accommodate what they enjoy. This is similar to Chapman's receiving gifts; however, there is an emphasis on giving someone the opportunity to show how well they know their loved one. 

Intellectual

People with this love style that is intellectually based love connection through the mind. This shows up in respecting opinions, discussing important issues, and ultimately, valuing their intelligence. These people absolutely love deep philosophical discussions, talking about the meaning of life and love, and complex issues that require much contemplation. 

Physical

Physical style is similar to Chapman's physical touch love language. People with this love style feel loved when they receive hugs, hand-holding, and cuddles. The difference is that there is a focus placed on the person initiating the loving touch and showing that they're attracted to them. 

Practical

Similar to Chapman's acts of service, people with a practical love style feel most loved and appreciated when their loved one helps in practical ways. This includes chores, favors, and making someone's daily load lighter without being asked. This meaning contrasts Chapman's act of service which has a somewhat heteronormative approach to relationships, including the rhetoric that ‘husbands help out their wives with the housework.’ People with a practical love style feel loved when loved ones are able to chip in with their daily responsibilities. 

Which love language are you? Consider how you show love versus how you like to receive love. Are there any ways of showing love that are uncomfortable? It's food for thought.